Today, a friend asked me “Are you happy?” and I said “ hmm..No.”
he is not my BESTFRIEND! but he undrstand me better.. u know wht i means girls out there who love 2 say! well i'm ur bff! ftw guys!
No one has asked me that question for a long while. Happiness, for me, comes from being content and confident in your own skin.
I haven’t felt that way in a long while. I think I realised this sometime last year, but I am not actually good at any one thing. Above average, maybe, but not good. I am surrounded by people who have found their ‘thing’. Several ‘things’ actually. You couldn’t say what my ‘thing’ is. Sure, I like to write, but I am not superb at it, I’m not exceptional. I can speak publicly, but I’m not brilliant. I have some brains, but I am no longer even in the second class. I am on a school team for senaman kumpulan, but I’m not GOOD at it. I can lead, but I’m not an amazing leader. I’m tiring myself out being involved in so many things that I am not good at, that do not bring me joy.I’m starting to fear that everyone will remember me at being ‘just average’ at everything. I’ve never been exceptional.{Never ever been anyone’s ONE best friend, everyone’s good friend,} but never their best. IT'S TRUE GUYS.. u can ask my friends out there who love 2 judge me in class and outside the class?? i know THEY HATE ME!I’m the SECOND choise, SECOND option, SECOND priority, SECOND class, SECOND team, SECOND head, SECOND BEST FRIEND!…I constantly feel not good enough and I just need something or someone that will make me feel good again. Bring me back up again. The worst thing is, I try so hard but I’m still just.. not there. So for now, the only way I keep myself somewhat alive is through escapism and distractions. Tv series, sleep, music.I know I should be grateful because I have been blessed with a lot in life, but I can’t shake this feeling.
DONT LOVE 2 JUDGE ME! I'LL GIVE U A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THAT!
i realise who i am!
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